Reflections

Sweet, Scary, Dangerous Dreams

I dream about Thailand almost every night. Usually I’m getting on a plane, then I’m landing in Chiang Mai.

Sometimes friends are with me,

Sometimes I’m leading a team from the church,

Sometimes (giving away one my deepest desires) my family is there, reunited at last in our old home.

The dream continues in a mixture of joyful, scary, and frustrating moments. I embrace friends that I have lived and worked with…friends that would be difficult for me to ever see outside of Thailand. I wake up missing them.

Several times throughout the dream, I have to organize transportation that ends up being late, getting us lost, or even crashing.  7 out of 10 times there’s an airplane involved.  And once, Donald Trump joined us in a helicopter…..?!?!?!

My dream often decides to throw in some frightening moments, usually where monkeys lining the streets threaten to jump on us if we get too close.

A few months ago, I learned from a mentor that I was thinking too much about my dreams. I would wake up and still feel like I was asleep…like I couldn’t quite grasp reality. The dreams would stick with me throughout the day and I had a hard time letting go of them. I don’t think I WANTED to let go of them. I wanted to re-experience that feeling of being back with people I love in a place I love.

It wasn’t doing me any favors to live like that…never fully present and always longing for something that was a little too far out of reach.  Since then, I’ve been more intentional about being present and letting myself forget those sweet, scary, dangerous reunions with home.

This isn’t the first time I’ve written about dreams.  My dreams affected me a lot when I was little too, which you can read about here.

Point is…even now, Thailand is a part of me. It’s not the same as it used to be. I don’t consider Thailand my home anymore, but it’s a place that I still consider precious, and a place that helped me to become who I am today.

Sometimes, I’m afraid that one day I won’t remember Thailand as well..that it will be JUST a memory of my childhood and not somewhere that holds real meaning anymore.

But even more frightening is the very real danger of dwelling so much on memory and dreams that I become oblivious to the blessing of what is around me here and now.

I want to live in the present, because there is beauty here too

 

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I love being an Auntie!
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Noelle always brings out my silly side, but I’ll never be as silly as her!
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