The dream starts with the realization that we would be going back to Thailand. I would get excited and then I would look around and see that I was finally there, I was finally home. The dream would culminate in a reunion between myself and a bowl of my favorite noodle soup. In the dream, I am ecstatic, relieved, and already planning to order some more of my favorite dishes. (I can’t even tell you how much I missed the food in Thailand!) But then, of course, I wake up.
The dreams were harder when I was younger. We moved to the States when I was 8 years old. I would wake up feeling disappointed… annoyed and angry, as if someone was purposely taunting me. But I knew that I would only have to wait a few years before we would return to Thailand.
After the first 3 years or so in the US, we came upon the realization that returning to Thailand was unlikely… almost impossible. That’s when the dreams changed course. I had the same dreams (returning to Thailand, eating my favorite soup), but this time, when the dreams occurred, the impossibility of being in the place I longed for most triggered a better understanding of reality. I would start off excited: “I’m finally back!” and then move to “No, it’s too good to be true. it’s just another dream.” However, once the disappointment registered, I would take advantage of this new outlet. I would then control the dream, choosing to appear in places that I missed most and most importantly, eating as much Thai food as I could imagine (I’m telling you… the food is REALLY REALLY good!!). Then I would wake up, feel that small twinge of annoyance… of life being unfair. But it would be manageable, and I would move on.
So remember when I said that my deepest wish would soon come true? Well, it’s a bit more than a wish. This June, 2014, I am going to return to Thailand for a year. I have volunteered for a position as a dorm assistant at the boarding school I used to attend as a kid. It’s strange to say that my dreams are literally coming true. But, more accurately, my prayers have been answered.
For the record, I’m not entirely convinced it’s going to happen yet. I mean, I’ve been accepted for the position, I’ve filled out the paperwork, and the organization is talking as if it’s definite. I even spent some Christmas money on a set of luggage. But at the same time, I can’t help but wonder… is it foolish to believe that I’m actually going to be back? Or is this another taunting dream?